What no poetry ?

I know. It's nearly 2013 and I haven't written anything to describe how I feel about it. Weird. Living life! Pulling instead!

Skinny jean confusion

My grandfather came up to me yesterday and simply asked; ' how do you get into those?' I was simply confused until I saw he was pointing at my pants and began to laugh. Through my laughing I said that I just put them on. Yet he still stared with confusion since they were incredibly skinny. And yet those weren't even my tight ones.
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Can you smell that?!

No? Well that's because you're on a computer. But it's the smell of me getting fat.

Would I go to jail?

I kind of want to punch the doctor who did this to my sister if I knew it wasn't good for her in the long run. No real food for two weeks, then just soup and soft food for another two weeks. She had needles and tubes everywhere, and blood, and swelling and oh god...
I still had to run out of the hospital, this time I did it more subtly.

This is what happens when I wear a dress

A guy on schoolies takes interest in me and tries to hook up with me. I don't know why but except 4 guys at my now former school I would never hook up with any of them. It just makes me shudder at the thought. But gosh it felt good turning him down. I held back the urge to say 'I like girls' but at least I know I still got it! ;) it was even more funny that I saw it coming and I was texting my fiancé at the same time as talking with attempted-hook-up-dude.
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Annddd we're good

We're back I having heaps of fun. We went to the beach, threw around a frisbee, went in the water, explored the rocks and sand baked. Then we went back to the pool at our apartment and then had showers and played music while the girls were getting ready. Going out for dinner now. Ciao!
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Wish I was in Byron.

So far schoolies isn't quite what I expected. It started off really well... For a couple of hours. Sadly while sitting around talking in the apartment some annoying stuff was said after explaining my sexual identity and sexuality. So I sat on the edge of the balcony and wrote in my journal. Then I went to the beach and they went searching for me. So sad. Then I came back as while I was gone I was talking to Geoffrey and Peter and was still on the phone with them. I went out again to read by the pool before going to the beach again. Everyone else was falling asleep by 9. I came back at 9:30 because they said I should and 3 were asleep. When they went to bed, I went out again and eventually got into bed by midnight. No drinking was involved. So sad. Second day now, we've done a little shopping and now we're back watching cartoons. Are. You. Serious.
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Schoolies jitters

Schoolies makes me fearful,
As fearful as can be,
Perhaps I mean gleeful. Oh I'm not sure what I mean.
The sun, the surf, the sand, the air.
It all seems like a place where one couldn't care, but it is an escape.
The teenagers need a break from the years of schooling.
So they go up north where the water meets the sand.
A party down the way is raving
Underage drinking has become the new black and hookups and one night stands are badges of honour.
Schoolies is a place to be someone else, because being a teen mum was never on my list.
STDs may follow as they usually do,
Did you use a condom, are you on the pill? What about swimming? I won biggest dick of the year.
After you've been drinking, it always sounds like a good idea.

I feel like I just signed my soul to the devil

Yeaaapp. It's nearly 18 years since I came out of my mothers womb so she gave me money to buy and watch and some stuff for schoolies. $500 to be exact. I planned on spending only $250-$300. I spent $400. I got ray bans, the watch, bikini and board shorts and 3 singlets. Wow. Just wow. Never give me money to shop. I had to restrain myself from buying another bikini (although I probably need it) and a nano skateboard.
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Small children are stupid

A tiny pubescent boy just tried to insult this guy all the girls think are hot by calling him gay. I don't know how that's offensive. But then he said he looks like he likes cunt. I hope he realises what cunt is otherwise he won't be getting any.
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Win!

My best friend just told me that he finishes four out of his five exams before I even start mine yet I still finish before him. Laawwlll

I finished school over a week ago

Lolwut? Idek.

I want you to be mine <3

I shake because I can only tell her one thing at a time,
But the first will be 'I want you to be mine',
Every highlight of her hair is like a star in my sky,
And I watch her struggle with the words trapped inside hiding behind a smile,
I'd like to hold her waist and tell her everything is going to be okay,
But I can see in the corners of her eyes her thoughts are miles away zooming.
I wonder if she wants to take a dive,
If just to prove that she's alive,
Her radiance is like an epicenter and I am just an aftershock,
Her beauty is like a lunar eclipse,
And I just can't take my eyes away,
But I just want a piece of her before I leave,
Even if I bob and weave through a forest of my tangled thoughts.
She says she likes my rebellious nature,
And I wonder if she can hear my hearts overture.
If she is a drug then I am an addict,
My euphoria grows every time I hear her giggle,
Her heart is stained blood red as if to say how much she cares,
And I just say 'welcome to the family of misfits',
because I know that my love will never quit.

Hangover movie part 3

So to celebrate finishing practice exams we had a gathering. It started straight after school going to aly's. then we met Matt and Geoffrey and got dinner and alcohol. Myself, Matt and Geoffrey went to rocket park and drank there. When we arrived at the gathering we had already had a lot to drink. Geoffrey was off his face ad was a very clingy drunk. He wanted more vodka and I hid it from him a lot. He was already known as the drunk one. I remember kissing him to distract him from the vodka which worked and also kidding Matt because he was left out. Past this I don't remember anything until the end of the party. I remember vaguely being moved and putting up a bit of a fight as it hurt and lying down with Aidan feeding me water through a straw. I was freezing and Xander's mum and Aidan were talking about how I am usually the one taking care of people and I don't need help. The next day the spare guys and I went to the movies and they filled in the blanks. Firstly, I hooked up with them. Also I took Geoffrey to Xander's bedroom and called Kurt and asked him what to do and he told me to sit him up and talk to him but apparently if he sat up he would just try to hook up with me. Later we went out to the street and that's where I collapsed and also threw up a lot. That's where the moving and carrying came in. Then from 10:10 onwards, I was in the room being taken care of. I checked me phone Ad I called a lot of people before collapsing.
I guess this will be a great story to tell in years to come. I thought it was pretty funny anyway that I didn't know exactly how bad I was and neither did my mum or anyone else at the party other than my boys. Love my boys <3

2012 Queens of the 4x100m

SO this is a while ago but bare with me!
House aths day was quite AMAZING! but on the day it felt horrible by the end because of people not turning up for their events ... #couldhavekilledthemall
I was originally in the high jump, 1500m, 800m and medley relay but I also ended up doing the 200m because.. Erynn and Jas swapped their events so that Jas would be doing the 200m and Erynn the 800m. Erynn turned up for the 800m but Jas denied that she had swapped her event and so I had to do it. Naturally I came first though. BOOYEA!
Anyway here's how I did in my other events;
1500m- I came 4th (was kind of disappointing but they were really good people in front of me and I beat Issy haha)
800m- I came 2nd but lead the pack for 500-600m of it before Laura took over (as expected)
High jump- 1st duh (I jumped 147cm still)
Medley relay- I really have no fucking clue because I wanted to kill the year 10 girls for making me do the 400m when Laura said I should do the 200m after coming 1st in it and because I was so tired.
Oh and I also ended up doing the 4x100m relay with Kate, Erynn and Nat which was the last event of the day. I ran last and we came 1st. They really set it up for me well so I didn't even have to run hard, It was the most amazing feeling after such a rough day and I had never seen Erynn so happy about it  #queensofthe4x100m
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Chillin' with the King

Finally holidays have arrived which is possibly the best feeling ever. My folio and other design tech pieces are finally finished which was such a relief after I ditched a day of classes to finish ~only 3 and only 2 got noticed. Phew.
Now I'm relaxing at my Oma's in woop woop. SohappyIcoulddie.
Although my cousin, aunt and uncle have already noticed how grown up I am since the last time they saw me (when I was 16) and have said I speak "proper". But let's face it, they're rather uneducated and bogan sooo....
Now I'm super tired, lying in bed with the Elvis pillow watching over me.
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Help signal ?

Scratches/cuts on my friends wrist. Avoids answering what they are from. Gets nervous when I ask or talk about it. Worried? Just a LOT.
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CONFIDENCE BOOSTS

Yeah I've gotten a bit of confidence over the past few days :) <-- ohemgee it's a happy face. At the Oaktree overnight sleepover at school Swainers made a joke about no boys in girls tents I just replied; 'yeah guys no one come in my tent' and all the girls laughed.
I also bought a guys smart casual buttoned shirt and wore that to a party and everyone complimented me ;D
Then I had Aths and I said how I need a haircut (because it's getting long at the back) and Issy said how much she loves my hair :D ;)
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No fucking clue

So this is what I have been hearing lately;
'Oh you do sprints? I thought you were a distance runner?'
'Oh you do distance? I thought you were a sprinter?'
Yeah I have no idea what I do either. I have been doing distance, high jump, hurdles and sprints today. It was killer today because of my stupid fucking SHIN SPLINTS! FUCK!
On the bright side, I came 2nd in house cross country and didn't completely embarrass myself in house music.. Or did. Either way hilarious.
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Count down begins

Okay so we can start our official countdown for school now. It's 30 days just FYI. Also, Aths season has begun which also means cross country is over :'( it's okay though, I got an award.
Aths got off to a kick start with the first Saturday being cancelled after Holly an I lead both the girls and boys for our usual 2 lap warm up ... IN THR RAIN ! Oh and yes I am vice captain, hence the leading. Although it was officially cancelled some stayed and did a 400m or 100m and then some middle distance training. It was actually brilliant.
Also, new somewhat subject of fascination is Issy. She went to city2surf with me, stayed in my room, is a year 10, basketballer but great distance runner and has got the most amazing personality and is pretty cute too. So yah
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Teenage mum on the floor passed out

Last term of high school (or last full one anyway)
That's kind of exciting I think. Well basically I go back to school tomorrow for term 3 which I am super excited about because then in a few weeks I am done with high school
THANK THE FUCKING KING!
However, I also came to realise how horrible this term is going to be with school work and finishing my folio and etc etc. Buutttt if I can make it through this I am sure any other work I have to do in my life with seem like a breeze (I say that now :/ )
Oh and yesterday I had my usual staff meeting before we go back to usual work (at my gymnastics) and it included its usual antics and hilariousness and also tell tales such as taking m&ms and then for each colour you had to tell something about you. I had 4 TV shows, so naturally they were Doctor Who, Buffy the Vampire Slayer& Pretty Little Liars and Skins. We also practiced a fire drill. I went upstairs to be a parent and got super into my role. I was a teenage mum who had been drinking a passed out on the ground. So when my friend came in he was trying to get me to move by kicking me (lightly) on my side and then picked me up/ dragged me. GREAT PLAN!
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So... Is he gay?

At the end of a long design the session there were only 3 people left and put teacher. Our teacher just overheard me talking about lady gaga and then starting asking me stuff. It went something like this:
Teacher: Now, my nephew likes Lady Gaga.... What does that mean?
Me: It means he's awesome!
Teacher: No but really, what does that mean?
Me: It means that you should introduce me because we could be friends!
Teacher: Yeah, okay, but does it mean he is.. gay?
My friend and I: *burst out in laughter*
Teacher: Because he loves Lady Gaga, he follows her on twitter constantly, he never talks to people, he's not a very social person, he doesn't have many friends, he's a lanky but very tall 14 year old awkward boy. But I just want to know, is he gay?
Me: Well to stereotype.... yes, yes he.. probably. Let's just say that it is very unlikely that he is straight.
Teacher: Okay
My friend: Yeah I mean, we're not trying to be mean but most likely guys that like Lady Gaga aren't straight so it is most likely he is gay..
Me: or bisexual or pansexual or transexual.... the point is he isn't straight
SO... basically after that we had a long chat about heaps of our friends in our school that are big Lady Gaga fans as well (guys) that aren't straight either and it just went on and on like the conversation above. ALSO... earlier in the day my teacher and I were talking about 80's teen movies and having a blast and then we shamed the other girl there who hadn't heard or watched any of the movies that we were talking about. Including Ferris Bueller's Day Off :o Shame on you Annika.
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MOTHER MONSTER

Quick recap here:
On saturday I went to Lady GaGa and it was the most amazing thin I have ever experiencing. I no longer know what to do with my life. We were all dressed up and got there at 1pm and waited in the cold weather with our throw away jackets and ponchos. Phill and I made food runs to subway as well. IMPORTANT! We got into the monster pit and we were so close to her and we met some amazing people ! (including two tanned muscular shirtless guys ;D ) My paws were up all night and I was singing along to everything and I even threw my unicorn at her. So spectacular. I just want to wear my GaGa clothes everywhere.
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Last battle

An attempt is going to be made. I will try to talk to her today and tell her everything. I just want to give her a hug and go back to normal... or what I consider to be normal. I have nine more days to fix this. Can I make it happen?
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Talking?

Yes there was talking. It wasn't too bad. We were together before one of our exams and words were said to her and she even responded and asked me a question. I wasn't expecting it so I just said "who me?"
Yeah so that's it. Talking. First step succeeded.
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I hate life

It is truly rock bottom with no point of living any longer. My life has no purpose and I am just here to say, go fuck yourself Gordon.
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R is back. FUCKYES

Fuckity fuck wit. Yeah I'm back. God I can't believe that Rachael actually thought she was fucking happy. Boy was she wrong. Now she's gone and she won't be back for a long while. She's been hurt and that girl does not get over a broken heart easily. So here I am again. Finally the bitch is back. Feels so fucking good to be back after being trapped inside the hideously happy being. Now to reek some fucking mayhem. At least you know that I'll never go and fucking change or do something stupid like giving a fuck. I don't have a fuck in which to give. Off is the general direction in which people should fuck. Yours truly, R.
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EVERYDAY I'M TUMBLRING!

http://z0r.de/L/z0r-de_3714.swf    <-----Greatness
Yeah, I'd say my addiction to tumblr at this point is pretty bad. A tear rolls down my cheek if I go a day without checking my tumblr. I know, it's a little sad but I follow two of my favourite youtubers and also some of my friends who live overseas. That and I just find so many pretty things! I also started to post things on instagram which is another way that I communicate with my friends overseas. They always love all of my photos :)
Other than my new-found addictions my friends and I have been highly involved in school activities recently. I know that I have sport 3 times a week after school and Design and Technology 2 times a week after school. Other than that I have been doing Operation Beautiful at my school which has received fantastic feedback as well as constant dance dares which has been shown at assembly. Coming up tomorrow I *finally* have my meeting with my principal to talk about uniform policy regarding sexual identity and respect and tolerance at the school. Then on Friday we have our first ever Rainbow Party! WOOOO! Which my friend and I planned which is being held on International Day Against Homophobia and will hopefully be goooood with some people turning up and hopefully getting more perspectives on the issue. SOOOO EXCITED!
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More..?

Haven't written in a while... SORRY
I guess a should do a little bit of an update. About 2 weeks ago I had my formal which was quite lovely as we had our pre-party, took lots of photos and got in our stretch limos to go to formal. The actual formal was okay, or better than I expected. Phill and I got a heap of professional photos done, so much that the photographer said that we were sluts. Most of the awards were pretty funny although a lot of them we couldn't relate to because they were for the "popular" people. Although Phill did get best dressed which was brilliant. Josh has been a little mad at me since the formal because I went with Phill and he's just a little upset. Then of course came the after-party which included me finishing my vodka bottle and watching Charlie be a little bit drunk which was hilarious.
Since then I have also organised to visit shops such as Visage 'n' Vice Boutique with X but he cancelled last week and I can't go this week so maybe another time. Lately I have been hanging around with Geoffrey, Emma, Jacob, Phill and mostly Charlie. I've been joining her in the art room watching her work and doing my own. Finally, Jacob and Emma are going out ! Eeeekkk it's so cute. Also, I wrote a letter and got a messenger to give it to her, we'll see what happens, I doubt anything. OKAY, last thing, although this isn't much my style.. I've been happy for a week now non-stop, legit happy.
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Future life actually scares me :/

Generally I would say that new things are lovely and exciting but this is scary and not the good kind of scary. I'm up to term 2 of year 12 which is slightly comforting because I only have 2 more terms of my high school years which I am so happy about. I can't wait until I am out of high school... I am sick of all the bullying, judgement and looks I get from everyone. There are enough rumours about me at this school that I feel like they know or have made me an alter or other personality. This term is a big one, I have sooooo many SACs (school assessment tests if you don't know, except they actually count towards my end of year score). Also, in less than a week I have my formal which is the equivalent to a prom except we only have our senior "prom". I finally have everything though... my dress, bling, clutch and shoes. Lastly I had my usual staff meeting today at work and I need to finish my level 1 qualifications and send in my form for my working with children's certificate because I am turning 18 this year.
Luckily at the end of this long 11 week term I am seeing mother monster... yes I am seeing mother fucking LADY GAGA!! I AM READY TO BALL!!
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I want to fuck him gently with a chainsaw

So I go from 'Happiness is a strange feeling' to this.. Yeah I know, not very good but there was a reason I said happiness was a strange feeling.
Firstly I want to say if anyone I know is reading this, you should probably learn from it! I am so sick of people not believing me when I say I am not some innocent, helpless, dependent child.
Anyway back on topic. I am completely independent and I don't rely on anybody. I am a complete bitch who enjoys seeing friends fight and I think it brings out the best in people.  However one of my "friends" is having trouble believing me. HELLO? Rule #1. She is the oldest of all our friends by quite a bit and the least mature. She had a little cry because I and my best friend wouldn't tell her what pre formal party we were going to. Grow up. We were saving you from hurt because she is our best girlfriend and you aren't. This is an exert from my last message which she hasn't replied to: "What do you want the truth? Is that really what you want because if you really want ME to tell you everything then I will but I hope you can handle it."
Secondly, she just got a new boyfriend who used to be one of my closest friends but now he is just a jerk to me. Ugh, I hate it when that happens. Can you say whipped? He also used to like another close friend of mine but she turned him down, he wanted to commit suicide and now he's with her... little suspicious don't you think? Now he thinks he's a complete badass but really he's just annoying. He also called me gay and teased me. He is the reason there are so many teenagers committing suicide.
Don't mess with me. Yeah, I'm good at playing the bitch game, I always win so don't you dare cross me, the last person that did isn't doing so well. They were kicked out and now I never have to see them again.
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Archie's rules

I have a few rules and they go something like this.
1. Always trust/believe me
2. Always take me seriously
3. Remember, I AM a bitch
4. Never hurt or insult my friends/family
5. You're not alive until you're living
6. Never abide by rules #1 and #2
Now I know that my last rule completely contradicts my first 2 rules but it is there for a reason which my friends would understand. I sort of have a split personality and I would say 85% of the time you should listen to rule 1 and 2 but that other 15% generally means I am in a funny mood and I'm going to make jokes and fool around so don't take anything I say to heart. My close friends understand this fully as we insult each other daily but it's just an informal register which creates an intimate relationship between us (little bit of English Language course coming out there).
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Happiness is a strange feeling !

Wow. I don't think I have ever felt so happy, I am still feeling all the other stuff but new information is coming in and clouding it over! The bad news I got today was some school results which weren't fabulous and blood test results too. Then two friends of mine have a date this weekend and frankly they should've gotten together weeks ago so I'm sort of sick of them and their coupleness is now kinda sickening.
However the "wow" news is that I got my design tech score which was 49/50, I know I was slightly disappointed that I lost 1 mark too but I think I have come to terms with it now. Still sobbing a little though. The other thing was a few days ago my friend gave me a riddle and I have solved it. He told me: you can acquire it but I cannot, many people have this object and I would've like it for my birthday but no one gave it to me. It was a dress :) I was so unbelievably proud of him and I am now helping him through everything because I have had friends before who enjoyed dressed like the opposite gender but were completely straight. I am so glad that he told me and we talked about our shared experiences and how he thought I was so brave for going to school as a man. I am going to help him through this as long as he needs me. I love you X, you are perfect in every single way.
More happy fluffy stuff?
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If I were a boy...

SO I had casual clothes day today and I dressed as a boy. It was quite fun actually ! I got many stares O.o  Most of my friends, except for one were completely okay with me being a boy and barely questioned me. Which is probably because they are used to my abnormalness. Xander thought my hair was a little strange and couldn't stop staring at it and that was before I said be should gel up his hair like manga characters and then his hair could defy gravity. Most of the stares I got were rather judgemental in the bad sense however there were the rare few of mainly year 11 girls who gave me stares that were kind of nice and respectful... if that's the right word.
How rude of me ! Sorry for not saying this earlier, but this is what I wore: blacky skinny jeans, converse, a mens Ramones shirt and buttoned purple check shirt, ray-bans with my hair slicked back. Later I put on a boys striped jumper from Germany too because it became quite chilly !
Rach really enjoyed it, she says I look hot as a guy and I'm her new boyfriend. I liked it to to be honest, it was fun being a guy for a day. Bus ride in the afternoon was fun too ! Lots of kisses !
(this was happy!)
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Sociopaths in EngLang

Life is stupid. What are we even meant to do with it? Look, I am the kind of person who enjoys drama because it keeps everything exciting but it has to be new drama, not the same thing over and OVER AGAIN! While in the most amazing class ever, English Language we were discussing how people that don't think about how they affect other people's feelings are sociopaths.
Then we discovered that our friend Alice is indeed a sociopath. She doesn't care about the consequences of her actions. For example; she invited two guys that she has crushes on to the Moomba festival. WHO DOES THAT!? Now she doesn't want to hurt either of them. Bit fucking late don't you think? It's all about her, all the time. Think about others and act your fucking age! She's the adult and I'm the kid! And if she says 'I'm not in the mood' one more time as an excuse I will punch her in the fucking face! Life lesson #1
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I go deep..

So now I'm having a threesome with Rachie and Daniel? Yeah, no thanks. Just to clarify this was a dream of Rachie's.
Change of topic! Apparently people think my eyes are really deep and I always look depressed, sad or worried. I not sure what to think about this yet except it explains why people always ask me if I'm okay. NO ONE IS EVER OKAY!
I really have nothing to say. Oh, I have a doctors appointment on wednesday That's exciting. I have no energy or strength lately which is weird for a sportsman like myself.
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Breakdowns are the new cool

Well I had a lovely breakdown yesterday.. at my sisters 21st of all places.
Look it wasn't all bad, in fact it was a great night because I got to meet this lovely woman who I have been dying to meet and she asked to have pictures with me :D :D
Then we were partying having lots of alcohol, taking heaps of pictures and not to mention gelling my hair into a mohawk and getting silly stringed. NEVER AGAIN
But yeah, later in the night, not so great, minor/major breakdown including me running away, going on the roof, hiding in closets, being in tears and listening to 'best years of our lives' on repeat. My friends eventually found me but all I want to do is go back to Germany. There was no drama there, I ran away from it all.
Please send me back.
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Deception is my game

Cool and scary things have been happening lately. I bought a formal dress which was the weirdest experience of my life because I don't ever wear dresses or skirts. EVER.
We have this stupid formal dress group on facebook that we have to post a picture of our dress on so no one steals it.
So I did and ... so many girls liked it and said how stunning/gorgeous/hot I look and how I should 'own it'.. what is happening to the world? If you didn't already get the vibe, girls scare the living bajebus out of me. So many likes in an hour. And my best-yet-slightly-homophobic-girlfriend keeps saying how hot I look. CONFIDENCE BOOST. Yeah it's kind of a problem that she's slightly homophobic... I'm working on it.
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Things I'll never say

Yeah so starting a blog..
What am I even meant to say?
@m i ment 2 t@lk lyk dis?
I really have no idea. Sorry if I break blog rules, but I generally use decent English, oh well, you'll manage somehow.
I guess well, whatever! I can say what I want! I like to deceive people a lot, it's really fun. The only thing fun about high school is the amount of ridiculous rumours there is about me. Such as taking a girl to formal and going in a suit and lets not forget asking Cam Wallace for sex. Yeah it's a good life. I thrive on secrets, rumours and lies. Is that bad?
Most people don't know me very well, finally told Phill something, now he just calls me a whore. I am a bigger one than him. Just because I did stuff when I was quite young. Whatevs! No one realises that we're not joking. Yeah confession #1 there.
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